我刚写了五分钟作业，手机吃醋了，我哄了它两小时。
Ijustwrotemyhomeworkforfiveminutes.Mymobilephonewasjealous.Icoaxeditfortwohours.
我刚准备坠入爱河，可河神对我说，不要再往河里丢垃圾了。
Iwasjustabouttofallinlove,buttherivergodsaidtome,don'tlittertheriveranymore.
我有个朋友16还没没来大姨妈，结果我朋友去医院检查了，医生说男生不来大姨妈。
Ihaveafriend16hasnotcometoaunt,asaresult,myfriendwenttothehospitalforexamination,thedoctorsaidthatboysdonotcometoaunt.
我一直以为聋哑人是不会吵架的。直到那天我去吃火锅。两个聋哑人在吵架，那手语打的，比火影忍者结印还快。
Ialwaysthoughtthatdeafpeoplewouldnotquarrel.UntilthatdayIwenttoeathotpot.Twodeafanddumbpeoplearequarreling.ThesignlanguageisfasterthanNaruto'sprinting.
只要我足够沙雕，就不会有烦恼。
AslongasIhaveenoughsandsculptures,Iwon'thaveanyworries.
我问风扇我丑不丑，结果他摇了一晚上的头。
IaskedthefanifIwasugly,andheshookhisheadallnight.
睡前听到隔壁一对情侣吵架，男的说：你再吼我就去隔壁睡。幸福来得这么突然的吗？
Beforegoingtobed,Iheardacouplequarrelnextdoor.Themansaid,ifyouyellagain,I'llgotosleepnextdoor..Ishappinesssosudden
人生苦短，我特么怎么这么懒。
Lifeisshort.WhyamIsolazy.
别人都是承受了这个年纪不该有的压力，而我是承受了这个年纪不该有的食量。
Otherpeopleareunderthepressureofthisageshouldnothave,butIambearingthefoodthatthisageshouldnothave.
Ifyouarenothappy,callme,Iwillhangupandmakeyoumoreunhappy.
我家老鼠生病了，我给它喂了老鼠药，希望它早点好起来。
Mymouseissick,Igaveitratmedicine,Ihopehegetsbettersoon.